The person who walks over and the person being approached aren't taking the same risk

When being approached by a stranger is reasonably scary

In January 2026 the BBC reported on hundreds of similar short videos on TikTok and Instagram from dozens of male influencers offering advice on how to pick up women. Most appeared to have been filmed secretly on smart glasses.

The women in them mostly didn't know. Seven in the UK, the US and Australia told the BBC they'd been filmed this way, and all said they felt exploited and distressed. One video reached 1.3 million views with the woman's phone number visible in it. Weeks of calls and messages followed, and men turned up at her workplace.

I was just being a friendly person. So, it's just a shame that trust is now broken.

A second BBC investigation, republished in February 2026, found more than 65 channels of this kind with over three billion views across three years, focused on nights out in cities including London, Oslo, Miami and Bangkok. The team identified nearly 50 women who'd been filmed, and many had no idea. Filming in public isn't a crime in itself, and a lawyer quoted in the piece called these videos a legal "grey area."

This is reporting and not statistics, so it can't tell you the odds of anything going wrong. It does show that for some people those few seconds as a stranger walks over involve more than awkwardness.

What the person walking over is usually afraid of

There's a lot of research on this side. Sandstrom and Boothby's 2021 review of 7 studies and 2,304 people groups the worries into six: whether you'll enjoy the conversation, like the other person and be able to carry it off, and whether they'll enjoy it, like you and hold up their end.

All six concern how the conversation goes. When the authors compared predictions with experience, every fear turned out to be overblown (d from .79 to 1.57). A 2022 study of London-area commuters found something similar: people dreaded starting mostly because they expected the other person to be uninterested.

So for the person starting a conversation, "better than you think" has real evidence behind it. We go through it here. But read those six fears again. Physical safety isn't one of them.

What the person being approached is weighing

There's much less research on this side, and I need to be upfront about the study below: it isn't about being approached.

Bastomski and Smith analyzed data from 1,621 people in Australia on general incivility from strangers, things like tailgating, pushing, yelling and cursing. Women were more likely to report it, felt more of an emotional impact, especially when the stranger was a man, and were more likely to limit their use of public places as a result.

Saying hello isn't the same as yelling at someone. The study matters as background: some people walk into public spaces already carrying that history.

So when someone walks over, the person they're walking toward may be running through a lot at once. What does this person want? Who's nearby? Do I give my number? What happens if I say no? How do I leave? That list is our own summary and wasn't measured by anyone, though it'll probably sound familiar.

To be fair to the other side, Epley and Schroeder found in 2014 that people who were talked to in a lab waiting room had experiences just as positive as the people told to start the conversation. Being approached isn't automatically unpleasant. That was also a lab, not a street at night.

What these sources can't tell us

• No study here puts the person approaching and the person approached in the same scene. The difference in the headline is our reading across separate sources.
• Bastomski and Smith measured general incivility, not approaches, and only in Australia.
• The BBC cases are real, but they can't be turned into a rate.
• None of this covers Taiwan, and none of it looks properly at age, sexuality, being a foreigner or other differences beyond gender.

That's why you won't hear us say to drop your guard because strangers are nice. For some people, that advice comes far too easily.

What both sides can do this week

If you're the one walking over:

• Stand where they can leave without going around you.
• Ask something easy about the place you're both in, and leave where they live and work out of it.
• If answers stay short or their eyes drift, say thanks and go. One no is enough.
• If you'd like to stay in touch, ask once. They can decline without giving a reason.
• Don't film anyone, and don't turn them into your story online.

If you're nervous about what to say, start with what's around you. If leaving is the hard part, here's why endings are so tricky.

If you're the one being approached:

• You don't owe anyone a conversation, or an excuse for not having one.
• If something feels off, move toward other people and find a friend or a staff member.
• If you find you've been filmed and posted, report it to the platform, and bring in someone you trust.

Limere exists to make it easier to meet people at the same bar or event, and it can't make that safe for you. No app can judge the person in front of you. If something feels wrong, leave. Our safety guidance is here, and you can walk away at any point.